Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Put a fork in it.....it's done!!

I was sitting in an HR orientation (first one of those I have been to for myself in more years than I care to recall) and I was joined by another new employee.  He was not new to "the system" as I was, but new to this branch of the organization, none the less.  Pleasantries were exchanged and at one point during the course of the morning, when we were discussing a random topic, he indicated his displeasure and shared his reaction by hand gestures.   Not the kind you immediately might think but he did my "done with it" hand gesture.  For those who know me, when I do what I call my "Pontius Pilate move" I slap my hands together quickly three times and then flick my fingers outward the same number of times.  If I do this to completion. this signifies "I am done with you".  You can imagine my delight at meeting someone that understood my unspoken language.

But are we ever really "done" with anyone?   My sister Katy and I were having this discussion tonight.  In our circle of family and friends,we have many personalities to draw the following conclusions.  To protect the innocent, and all the rest (it is getting hard enough to get family members to return calls, for fear they may say something I might want to write about later), I will use categories.

Category one is for those who always "want to be friends" after a relationship has gone south.  This involves much emotion, tears of remorse; laughter over the good times.   When Katy and I were done laughing over the craziness of it all, we decided at best,  this category should be renamed "no restraining order needed...at leastfor the first 90 days".  Wanting to remain friends with someone you failed at your first go round at a more significant relationship is like getting a participation ribbon instead of 1st place in competition.  Thanks for showing up.

Category two is dedicated to those who "say they are done" but can't quite seem to say no to one more attempt to wear that shoe that didn't fit the first time.  We call that the "Jimmy Carter era".  A lot of emotion at first, tapering off to not so much because by then the person is back in their life, sometimes short term, other times long term... or until the next break-up, when the merry-go-round starts again.  It just reminds me of when President Carter was in office and threatened action when hostages were being held.  It sounded fierce the first time but after about the fourth or fifth time,  it tended to lose some of its menace, meaning....did someone say emotion?

Category three is what I refer to as "the gold standard".  The relationship has ended (and keep in mind, this is not limited to romantic liaisons), but any relationship that after a seemingly successful launch, has crashed on the shores,splintered into fragments too large, sharp or difficult to pick up and piece back together.  This calls up the no going back "Pontius Pilate hand move" that severs the relationship as you "wash your hands of the entire affair.  You are now DONE WITH IT.  Let me interject right here that this category is NOT for the tenderhearted.   You have now severed this person like a gangrene arm.  Going forward you will refer to them in the past tense because they are no longer in "real time" in your life.  They have become a casualty of relationship war.  This is the only way you will survive.  Emotions must be left at the door (or in the shower) and life goes on as if they were but a passing fancy in this roller coaster we call life.

Category four only deals with those who step outside the law and I am thankful that we have none to draw on for conclusions (that we are aware of).   In fact, I could only report on what my experts on Dateline tell me every Friday night, but I think you should just all tune in.  Lester and Keith tell a great story.

So, this is what I know for sure.  Endings are never as fun as beginnings but just as life must end, so must some relationships.  There are all kinds of reasons behind the final brisk slapping of the hands, but remember, there are two numbers before three (at least for me).

Until next time,
#whatsyourcategory
#willinvestigatecategory4

your pal,
Kari


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