What do you mean by that?

A couple of weeks ago, I was waiting with my husband as he was going to have knee surgery.  When his name was called and we approached the nurse, she held out her right hand and Terry promptly shook it.  She smiled at him and turned his arm over to check his wristband.  We all laughed as Terry realized his mistake and said, "I guess you didn't really want to shake my hand".  It was funny but it made me wonder how many times we react to situation and the INTENTION was something totally different.

Fast forward six days to Thanksgiving.  We are gathered around the table eating in and the room was crowded and noisy.  A new friend sitting across from me was asking if the condiments at the other end of the table had been tried yet.  I kept trying to answer him and he was talking over me and staring right through me.  I kept trying to answer until Madison informed me he was talking to the person standing directly behind me.  I could have sworn he was looking at me.  I never did get to try the olive tray because now I was too embarrassed to ask to have it passed down.  However, Madi and I both got a good laugh out of it and I don't know for certain if he EVER realized I was talking to him (I hope not).

Then there are those messages we read on Facebook.  Whether intended for us or just for our reading pleasure, they can be so UGLY.  The written word is so dangerous when used in the "oh so familiar" passive/aggressive form.  Yet we can't be sure, since we aren't included in the conversation.  It's like being on an old fashioned telephone party line and listening in....using our eyes instead of our ears.  And another big difference is, you are encouraged to read along.  A big clue that the conversation you are about to see is a FB type of road rage is when the conversation begins like this:   "BLANK is feeling pissed".  (Uh oh, don't mince words, how do you really feel?)  Next comes the choreographed response....."Yes, I know what you mean, I saw it, too".

Now, none of us "know what they mean" but there is someone who these partners in "behind the scene" crime are directing this little barb to, that they are not brave enough to confront in person.  Yet, they are hoping against hope (because they don't dare tag them) that the offender is reading this exchange RIGHT NOW.  If we believe the words are directed at us, we could develop a very involved response, even though we aren't participating in this conversation.  Don't worry, opportunity for the next chapter is just a few key strokes away.  Next steps may include involving others by directing their attention to the offensive post.  All this happens outside the posted conversation.  Then we post "responses" to our own set of friends, no real names are ever mentioned, though some name calling often occurs at this point

Real life demands explanation here

.  Judgments quickly take place, and condemnations are invoked from all freelance interpreters.  Depending on the number of different people reading the original post taking ownership, the crime scene could really get messy before it becomes a made for TV movie!

If one isn't involved, the reading can be as horrifying as watching a train wreck happen.  After all, everything in print is now a part of history.  It can't be "undone" as it will always exist in Internet eternity.  A deletion from the screen only removes it from the offended party's sight.  No guarantee of removal from anywhere else....including long memories.  For the injured parties, relationships are damaged, sometimes permanently.

Thank goodness, we still have opportunity for "real time".  When things go awry, the opportunity to misinterpret still exists, but the choice to allow for explanation is always available.

I don't always know all the facts, but this is what I know for sure.  It is always better to allow for explanation then to publicly condemn on assumption.  There is no turning back graciously from that.

Until next time,

#don'tairyourdirtylaundry
#youdon'tknowitall

your pal,

Kari