And that is what we are doing right down. Though ten seconds would be too overwhelming for me to have to start over THAT many times, so I have broke it down to "I can bear anything for one day". Unlike Kimmy, I don't start out strong, end weak and then start over strong again.
My days are beginning more like, I wake up and remember. Then I wish I could go back to sleep. But I can't, so I have to work up to getting up. Once I have crossed that particular bridge, I seem to coast for awhile and do alright. However, the wrong words (which are usually kind) or a hug held too long, can send me BACK TO GO, do NOT collect $200.
Regrouping however, takes less time and I am off and running again. This time I am steady and sure all the way until lunch. However, a colleague commented that during lunch she couldn't help but notice that I looked like I was "wilting". What an apt description as that was exactly how I felt. I just didn't realize it was so noticeable.
Returning to work, there was a plant and a particularly sweet card on my desk. That cost me 15 minutes in the bathroom stall, weeping bitterly.
Back at my desk, working away, I was asked to speak briefly to the group for Administrative Assistant's Day. Sure, why not. Pulled that one off.
Three meetings later and it's time to go.
Car rides are not good for me. Too much quiet space to think. Maybe I should go back to the 10 second rule. Or talk on the phone. But today I just really wanted to be quiet. But then there is too much quiet and my thoughts are too loud.
Letting go is hard work. And I know I am not alone.
Until next time,
#loveyoujimmy
#061627-041715
#061627-041715
your pal,
Kari
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