How can you hurt something that isn't real?

When I think of something as "real", I think of it as being tangible.  Maybe something I can see or touch, taste or even smell.  But is that true?  One definition for real is:  not imaginary - existing as fact, rather than as a product of dreams or the imagination.  Existing would imply having physical existence but it is not clearly stated.  Another definition is:  not artificial-genuine and original.  Or how about verifiable?  Meaning as an actual fact - legally or scientifically.

So....are feelings real?  Or True?  Because feelings are somebody's emotional susceptibilities.  And everyone's are different.  Certainly not grounded in fact although they CAN be a genuine reaction to fact  Some can be verifiable.  When my kids were little and throwing a temper tantrum, I could verify that they were "feeling" very angry at that moment in time.

Was "tangible" then the right word for me to think of when I thought of "real"? The dictionary says "tangible" is able to be realized: capable of being given a physical existence (those temper tantrums were certainly physical).  Another definition:  capable of being understood and evaluated, and therefore regarded as real.  AHHHAH.  The word "real" just showed up in the definition.  Still going with my temper tantrum example since most times (for small children anyway) they can be understood.  And when you are standing in the middle of the grocery store with a "louder than life" child...it gets real.

Yet, as my kids have gotten older I have persisted in telling them "just because you feel something, does not mean that it is truth, or real".  I have also shared that wisdom with folks who want to make decisions in the heat of "a moment".  Why, you ask?  Because feelings are not based in fact.  They change.  We hold the power to choose the way we feel.

Depending on how "we feel" on any given day, our reactions to any given situation can be drastically different.  We are all emotional timebombs with the fuse reset daily. What a treat for our loved ones!

And we get to claim the "injury" when no one can possibly know where our dial is set on any given day.  It's a wonder any of us have healthy relationships.  

Because relationships start with a bunch of jumbled feelings that for those of us who are lucky, get sorted out into some type of sustaining lifeline that endures. Wires get crossed and sparks still fly. We suffer an occasional burn, but we continue blest by our ties that bind.

Here's what I know:  while I have had my wires crossed in the past in relationships that didn't last, they weren't meant to.  I have been holding hands for the past twenty years with the guy who keeps me out of trouble (generally speaking). 

Here's to finding your "hand" to hold.

Until next time,

#neversettle

#inHistime

Your pal,

Kari