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| Identifying mark if needed |
I have a scar on my left pointer finger that goes across the width of the finger. It's faint now (over 50 years old) but
I still remember cutting that ham with a very sharp knife while I held it with my left hand. I was about 5 or 6 years old and probably wasn't supposed to be doing what I was doing. From that point forward, I have always cut my meat (and everything else) putting the knife in my left hand. Isn't that odd? As if it were my right hand's fault?
The scar above my left eyebrow is all that remains of a cyst that I was born with. It disappeared for a few years and then came back and stayed, And stayed. It was about the size of an egg yolk and at times would have the consistency of same and at other times would be as hard as a rock. After the cyst was removed, for many years when I touched my forehead in that area, I would feel it on the top of my scalp (towards the back), Now I just don't feel anything.
Then there are the multiple scars I have across my abdomen. It looks like I have been butchered. The worst occurred when emergency surgery was necessary and left me with 25 staples going straight up from my pelvic bone to past my belly button. Not very attractive but I certainly wasn't in any position to argue, Although it's been eight years, to this day I don't like to have anything touch or rub on this scar. It's very uncomfortable and I imagine it will always be this way.
These are the scars that you or I can see. And there are feelings and stories associated with each example. Let's think about the scars we have all endured at some point in our life that no one can see. And even now, there are feelings associated with them, or not. Maybe, like my forehead, we are just numb. But there are stories that go with each and every one. And some days those scars are rubbed the wrong way. We still bleed inside.
There is a new TV show on called "Save a Life". I am a sucker for all things medical, even if I have to turn away half the time. This show takes place in an emergency room and is quite graphic at times. There have been a few instances where the people brought in have been stabbed. It is always a bloody mess, but I am always shocked by how small the stab wound may actually be. It's a critical situation because all the damage is done on the inside.
That's how I think about our scars on the inside. It may have seemed incredibly minor at the time, but inside it caused all kinds of damage. Or, although it was so long ago, and it was a terrible experience, loss, heartache, this scar never healed properly. And how about the scars we bear that are ours to bear alone? I imagine for every scar we carry, we are responsible for inflicting one on someone else. It's a lonely, cruel world out there. Sharp objects are not always necessary to leave a mark.
So this is what I know for sure. For me, with a little bit of make-up, and proper attire, most of my scars can be concealed. Not everyone is as lucky. And all of us have those days when the scars we hide on the inside threaten to overflow into our behavior on the outside. Then we are at risk of wounding others or being wounded again. My goal is to be aware. And focus on being the salve for healing rather than the cause of more pain.
Finishing strong with the rest of the refrain...."Did you lose yourself out there, did you get to be a star? Don't it make you sad to know that life, is more than who we are"
Until next time,
#Iwonttellnooneyourname
your pal,
Kari (my name)
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