Why it doesn't work

Or not.  Your choice!

All my life I have been told "treat others as you wish to be treated".  As a child, I was certain this was the magic formula that would transform relationships.  It seems so simple.

But it doesn't (always) work. Surely I can't be the first person to have discovered this phenomena.  And once we know this as a cold, hard fact, why do we keep trying?

I do know the answer to that.  It's because we never lose hope.  We believe that our behavior makes a difference...maybe not in how we are treated, but at a minimum, in how we view ourselves.



In my past life, I had a boss who was always very abrupt and to many, seemed either always angry or just unfriendly.  It was neither, though not everyone figured this out about her.  It became most apparent to me during a conversation where she was quite short and abrupt....so rude (at least it sounded that way to me).  I decided to respond in kind so she could hear how she sounded.  Well.  All she heard was how I sounded.   And she was not shy in commenting about it.   #clueless

But I felt very uncomfortable speaking to her in the tone and manner that I did.  Granted, it was just an experiment, but I took no pride or pleasure in behaving this way.  It was very uncomfortable for me and as it turned out, my only of success was that I knew without a doubt that the behavior I was portraying was not natural to me.

I was discussing this with my sister (Katy) recently and she said "I hate that you can't make people be thoughtful".  So true.  At times, people seem to hurt us the most when they don't even know they are hurting us at all. 

I try to be mindful of this, knowing I could be guilty of doing the same thing to others.  I continue to hold myself accountable for how I speak to others.  If I find myself rethinking a conversation and not liking how I sounded, I will follow up with an apology.  This is the only way to "make it right" (at least for me).  And I don't mean a backhanded "sorry" but a full accounting of why I am apologizing.

And Madison reminded me of something important the other day.  Instead of focusing on what people did (or didn't) do, I should focus on the ones that DID!  (or DIDN'T).  Another choice - another perspective.

If you ponder this and realize you might fall short in the "treat others" category, take heart.  You can choose to change that...and remember, how we treat others "generally" does not count.  It is very personal to each individual.

Until next time,
#workinprogress
#allthetime

your pal,
Kari