Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Working Out is such a work out.

I am no stranger to exercise.  I have had a love/hate relationship with it for years.  I am not a runner so you won't see me at the trendy "run-a-thons" for all the good causes.  They always say it's cool to walk but I just don't quite believe it.  It reminds me of the only time I ever signed up for a run/walk in a 5k while still living in Topeka.  THIS GOES WAY BACK.  I had to be in my early 30's which means a couple of things; I still smoked; exercised sporadically,  and while I could dress the part of a runner and look authentic.... that was about all.

The day of the race dawned clear and I showed up with about 400 other people.  Looking around I felt very confident because I saw people of all shapes and sizes.  Certainly I could beat some of these people.  I am always so darn competitive (even when I have no business).  I started strong and that lasted around the first bend, until we were out of sight.  Soon the run/walk was more walk/walk fast and the large throng of people that started with me were thinning out quickly.  I wish we had been talking in miles rather than metrics because. obviously I had no idea just how far in distance (and humiliation) I would be going that Saturday.  I cannot tell you how many times I considered slinking off the course and trying to find my way back to the parking lot unnoticed.  Had it not been for my total lack of ability to punch my way out of a paper bag when it came to directions, I would have made a break for it.  Time felt like it was standing still as I was now limping along solo.  I saw a bend up ahead and realized with nothing less than sheer horror that the race would NOT END until I crossed the finish line.  When the crowd spotted me, the cheering and encouragement began.  "You can do it, Don't give up, You're almost there"  were all slogans shouted (as if I were a 5 year old).  Hoping that the tears of embarrassment would pass as sweat, I gathered what little strength I had left to gamely shuffle the remaining length of the course.  By the sounds that the crowd made when I finished, you would have thought I won the Olympics...or they were just glad to call it a day.

Needless to say, I have never participated in any type of run again.  In fact, if you see me running now, you should probably run, too.  Someone is either chasing me with a deadly weapon, there has been a bomb threat, or a mouse has been spotted in my near proximity. Ok, maybe I have picked up the pace if an ice cream truck was trolling down the street with a head start but that's about it.

With all that said - I am no slug.  I attend boot camp regularly which is not for beginners or crybaby's (already tried that).  I work out with the best of them and could take you.....unless you get a head start by running.

Until next time,
who likes ice cream?

your pal,
Kari


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