It all starts out so innocently. And really very much a territorial type thing. You finally have a child of your own (or grandchild) and quickly everyone starts claiming attributes. You are keen to determine who the baby looks like, pulling out pictures of other children, siblings and perhaps even your own baby picture.
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| The original |
I remember when Marissa was born, much arguing was going on as to who she looked like, when I already knew she looked exactly like me. Always being one to prove my point, I slipped my newborn picture in the mix. My mother-in-law (at the time) picked it up and said, "oh, you have a new picture of the baby". HA! Needless to say, case closed.
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| Need I say more? |
The the children get older, and it becomes less about looks and more about expressions. Comments are made such as "when she furrows her brow like that, she looks just like you". So now it's not so much about nature, but about nurture. And I don't know about you, but these can even be self expressions, ones you "felt" at times, even as you are projecting them. For me, all of a sudden, something will happen and I will have a certain resigned look on my face that almost simultaneously signals an image in my head of my mom with that same expression. Not that there is anything wrong with that, Mom.
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| Apple-Tree |
Maybe this all goes back to examples versus requests. The old - "do what I say, not what I do". I remember when we were kids we used to think it was hysterical to ask mom if she was in a good mood and she would scream back "YES I AM IN A GOOD MOOD"! Back then, we were entertained quite easily. Now, when kids get older and examples of behavior show up, it's a rare few, that smile and say "Oh, she gets that hateful attitude from me" like we did when they first opened their beautiful eyes. This is when our more generous attitude of parent sharing kicks in and we are more likely to let the other parent enjoy some of the limelight. When any of the kids would come to me, upset, for example, because they couldn't run as fast, jump as high....(fill in the blank) as the other kids, I would pull them up on my lap, smooth their troubled brow and whisper, "I am so sorry. You must get your lack of (fill in the blank) from your dad.". Then we would give each other a half-hearted smile, a shrug of the shoulders (what can you do?) and move on from there. I say...let the chips fall where they may.
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| Some things just carry on! |
Now the grand kids come to visit and you recognize traits that have been passed down to the NEXT generation. And some of them are more familiar to you on a personal level than a parental level. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? My dad used to tell us when we were young "I hope you have five kids (because there were five of us) and that they are just like you". I always thought he was being complimentary until I was much older. Apparently, these things can skip generations.....I didn't know.
But this is what I do know....as much as I love being a parent - being a grandparent is even better. Even if some suspect behavior has been passed down, now time limits are in place. Full time love - part time responsibility. And all my kids look like me - either by expression or naturally! So what if the 10 year old grandson is a little OCD. If he wants to count steps during dinner time, he has a goal to reach: 10,000 steps a day - YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!
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| Oh wait, that is Colten with Kelsey (she's not real) |
Until next time,
#pedometermayhavebeenamistake
your pal, Kari
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