Put a fork in it.....it's done!!

I was sitting in an HR orientation (first one of those I have been to for myself in more years than I care to recall) and I was joined by another new employee.  He was not new to "the system" as I was, but new to this branch of the organization, none the less.  Pleasantries were exchanged and at one point during the course of the morning, when we were discussing a random topic, he indicated his displeasure and shared his reaction by hand gestures.   Not the kind you immediately might think but he did my "done with it" hand gesture.  For those who know me, when I do what I call my "Pontius Pilate move" I slap my hands together quickly three times and then flick my fingers outward the same number of times.  If I do this to completion. this signifies "I am done with you".  You can imagine my delight at meeting someone that understood my unspoken language.

But are we ever really "done" with anyone?   My sister Katy and I were having this discussion tonight.  In our circle of family and friends,we have many personalities to draw the following conclusions.  To protect the innocent, and all the rest (it is getting hard enough to get family members to return calls, for fear they may say something I might want to write about later), I will use categories.

Category one is for those who always "want to be friends" after a relationship has gone south.  This involves much emotion, tears of remorse; laughter over the good times.   When Katy and I were done laughing over the craziness of it all, we decided at best,  this category should be renamed "no restraining order needed...at leastfor the first 90 days".  Wanting to remain friends with someone you failed at your first go round at a more significant relationship is like getting a participation ribbon instead of 1st place in competition.  Thanks for showing up.

Category two is dedicated to those who "say they are done" but can't quite seem to say no to one more attempt to wear that shoe that didn't fit the first time.  We call that the "Jimmy Carter era".  A lot of emotion at first, tapering off to not so much because by then the person is back in their life, sometimes short term, other times long term... or until the next break-up, when the merry-go-round starts again.  It just reminds me of when President Carter was in office and threatened action when hostages were being held.  It sounded fierce the first time but after about the fourth or fifth time,  it tended to lose some of its menace, meaning....did someone say emotion?

Category three is what I refer to as "the gold standard".  The relationship has ended (and keep in mind, this is not limited to romantic liaisons), but any relationship that after a seemingly successful launch, has crashed on the shores,splintered into fragments too large, sharp or difficult to pick up and piece back together.  This calls up the no going back "Pontius Pilate hand move" that severs the relationship as you "wash your hands of the entire affair.  You are now DONE WITH IT.  Let me interject right here that this category is NOT for the tenderhearted.   You have now severed this person like a gangrene arm.  Going forward you will refer to them in the past tense because they are no longer in "real time" in your life.  They have become a casualty of relationship war.  This is the only way you will survive.  Emotions must be left at the door (or in the shower) and life goes on as if they were but a passing fancy in this roller coaster we call life.

Category four only deals with those who step outside the law and I am thankful that we have none to draw on for conclusions (that we are aware of).   In fact, I could only report on what my experts on Dateline tell me every Friday night, but I think you should just all tune in.  Lester and Keith tell a great story.

So, this is what I know for sure.  Endings are never as fun as beginnings but just as life must end, so must some relationships.  There are all kinds of reasons behind the final brisk slapping of the hands, but remember, there are two numbers before three (at least for me).

Until next time,
#whatsyourcategory
#willinvestigatecategory4

your pal,
Kari

Back in the Game!!

 I have made my husband and daughter breakfast routinely (but not daily) for almost a year.  Yet, today my husband made breakfast for me..  It is not my birthday, our anniversary, or any other "special" day.  We did not recently complete therapy where it was recommended that he "step up his game".   There were no threats or (on the other side of that coin) promises made to ignite such positive behavior.  And I will let you in on another secret....he will be making my breakfast again tomorrow.

How did I get so lucky?  Okay, the secret to what works in our marriage is....WORK!  I went back to work.  Yes, I am BACK IN THE GAME.  The sabbatical is over and as of today, I am gainfully employed and all I can do is SMILE.

Back in the Game!

Today I was assigned an office, a parking spot, and an ID badge so I know where to go tomorrow.  So, that is why my husband fixed (no, fixes) me breakfast.  When we are both working, he fixes me breakfast.  It's a great way to start the day.  Before he leaves, he grabs the lunch I packed for him (the night before) since we both can't afford to eat out!  When it's time for dinner, I would like to report that we both chat in the kitchen about our day,as we throw something together while Madi sets the table.....BUT THAT WOULD BE A BOLD FACED LIE.  Let's just leave dinner out of it since everything was going so well.

So yes, I am back to work.   At home, we once again start to dance to the familiar tunes of simultaneous alarms sounding on three iPhones in the house.  However, this is a new journey, so I am sure we will learn some new songs along the way.  And I am grateful and excited.  

A year ago, I did not know where the road was leading, but I always had confidence (and faith) that I would end up right where I am supposed to be.  I didn't know exactly how, or even exactly when, but some things aren't for us to know.

And here I am.

Until next time,
#Ilikeoatmealforbreakfast

your pal,
Kari

Starting something at the end

Before a person sits down to write something, whether it be a research paper, a letter (that is almost a thing of the past), maybe just their thoughts, usually one has to gather information, know what it is they will be writing about, and then they will just get busy writing.  It seems a little backwards, starting something that is for all practical purposes, already finished.  But, the work has been done and now it's just a matter of getting it down on paper.  Starting something at the end.

What other things are like that?  I can think of several.  One major lesson that once we really learn, is, for all practical purposes over, is parenting.  By the time we learn how to be the BEST parents, our kids are grown up.  If we are lucky, they are still talking to us and have grown into some type of semi-functioning adult, perhaps even now trying to learn the lessons of parenting as we did.  They may (or may not) be interested in taking any advice from us, since all they know is what they experienced from us.  They either; A) still aren't talking to us; B) still haven't recovered from us; or C) (and I believe this may be the best case scenario) just don't recognize that the knowledge benefit comes at the end of the game.  Therefore, they will put little or no stock into any advice we may feel compelled to impart.  And sometimes, it is SO COMPELLING!

Remember, my mom had five kids in six years.  That means, there could have been a stretch in time when all five of us were VERY unpleasant to live with and be around.  By the time she recognized the knowledge victory (with me) she still had four more kids in short order to live through.  And, I was still too young to appreciate the lesson.

The next generation-it's started!

Fast forward to when I had kids.  Obviously due to circumstances rather than design (I am really just not that smart), I ended up having my three girls, unevenly spaced out over a period of twenty years.  What did that buy me, you ask?  HA!  At least one child at any given moment in time, would like me. When Megan was a teenager, Marissa adored me.  When things got a little tough with Marissa, I might have been in trouble because Megan wasn't quite back to liking me, but HELLO MADISON.  Here we are today.  Madison is a teenager, and guess what?  That's right!  While I believe Madison likes me (most of the time), I now have both Megan and Marissa as back up.  Plus, I had the benefit of three other kids thrown in the mix when Mr. French and I got married and for the most part, I think they have always liked me.  Not to mention a daughter-in-law (Lisa) that is another bonus!

Another observation, because of the time span, I have been a different mother to each of my girls and my three additions (Mike, Tyler and Julie).  Obviously, this is because the early parental knowledge gained has been improved upon with each addition.  And after practice parenting on all these kids, I now feel my advice is golden.  So much in fact, when my sister Katy and I both had babies at the same time and received conflicting advice from our pediatricians, I strongly encouraged her just to do it "my way, so we would know we were doing it right".

I don't suppose there is a right way to be the perfect parent, but this is what I do know:  My mom loved me and my siblings (even while she was learning) and I loved all my kids (throughout all parenting phases).  And I think when it's all said and done, what was started in love has ended up pretty darn good!

Until next time,
#callmewithquestions
#ihaveanswers

your pal,
Kari

Behind the scenes...it's where life is lived!

Did you ever think that just about everything we do is a presentation for someone?  An academy award winning performance that you may or may not be applauded for, but certainly noticed, held accountable for, whispered about or at best, ignored.

Drivers...beware!

I was thinking about this when I was helping daughter Madison prepare for her drivers test.  All the months of learning and practice boiled down to a 20 minute drivers test that would subjectively be determined by luck of the draw - depending on which examiner she was assigned.  The young man who checked her in (HE WAS 21 YEARS OLD) was one of the examiners.  Seriously, four years older than Madison.  He pointed out which guy graded harder (the one with the ponytail that looked all of 25, versus the older woman that spoke English as a second language.  Our cheerful informant was just working the desk that day.  I won't tell you who Madi drove with, but she did pass.

Does it look that hard??

I know I have mentioned before that I have rekindled my interest in knitting (spoiler alert - Merry Christmas to many family members).  Lately, I have become bolder in my attempts at different projects and am not shy about trying difficult stitches and patterns until I get them right.  My mom also knits and every time we have a new family member (birth or marriage) she knits a Christmas stocking for them.  She had joked with me that I would soon be ready to test my talents with one of the stockings.  I thought, "sure, why not".  Well, let me show you why not.  As shown with the beginning of Averie's stocking, it may not look like rocket science when you view what the world will see, but take a gander "behind the scenes" and look at that nightmare going on in all directions.  I AM NOT READY FOR THAT.

So that brings me to real life and I wonder how many times we have been guilty of looking at what we see as the "finished product" of our family, friends, strangers on the street, and assume we know how easy they must have it.  On the outside, everything looks like things are coming together for them; relationships, work, money, kids, health, etc.  But that is all we may ever see.  We have no idea the real life living going on "behind the scenes".  From now on, I am going to work on thinking less about the "presentation" and give more consideration to what could be a tangled nightmare that I know nothing about.

Flip-side...There are no words.....

And that's what I know for sure.  Things aren't necessarily as they seem - not for me, or for anyone else.  We are always preparing for our next production - and the next one may be for you.

Until next time.

#exitstageleft,

your pal.

Kari

Every cookie has its price.

I can go for extended periods of time without eating sweets, until I am eating them several times daily.  Does anyone else know what I am talking about?  And keep in mind, I am selective about what I will binge on.  If I buy store bought cookies, they will sit in the pantry until I throw them out. (they are just not binge worthy)  I bought a huge bag of jolly ranchers about three months ago and still am working off that same bag.  But, let there be peanut M&M's in the house and I am like a rabid addict, once started, can't stop.  Even worse....candy corn.  If I break down and buy a bag, I know that once it is opened, I might as well resign myself to eating most of it in one sitting (even as I feel sick), just to get it out of the house.

I was wondering where this behavior came from.  Especially since I am so particular in what will draw me in.  I think I had a glimpse into my madness when I was eating a oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (did I say singular - HAHAHAHAHA) and thought to myself, I need to hide these or Terry will eat the rest of them.  The good news was, I didn't hide them and even more good news...I had a "recovered" memory.

Chief negotiator and crew

When we were growing up, Mom had the pleasure (and I use the term loosely) of trying to instill a fair allocation of EVERYTHING amongst five children - all very close in age.  There was no special advantage to birth order since five in six years tends to level the playing field.  We took turns for everything.   We divided everything and we split everything.  Let me give some examples.

We all had chores which we were assigned weekly by the days of the week.  We each had our own day of the week (Mom always had Saturday and Sunday).  Not only did you have the chore that went with your day of the week but you got to sit in the front seat on your day of the week, and have first pick of TV shows on your day.  Obviously, no one worried about child height/weight/age for front seat safety back in those days!  And if you had Monday one week, you would have Tuesday the next and so on and so forth.

My brother and I loved to bake.  If we made a double batch of cookies (and made them small) we could usually get around 72 cookies out of that batch.  After they cooled, we would take the total number made, divided by six and put the cookies in six baggies - marked with our names on them.  Katy used to hide her stash.  I am sure mine never lasted that long.  We didn't fight over the special treats, Mom made sure of that.  We just divided them.

On Saturdays (Mom's day), before the Lawrence Welk show came on (and probably just to keep the complaining down), Mom made popcorn and allowed us to each share a 16 oz. bottle of Pepsi.  The rule was, whoever did the pouring, the other party got first picks.  We learned about fair share and fairness at a young age in our household.

Banana Bread

But perhaps one thing that isn't readily apparent  was a life long lesson  learned early on - negotiation skills.  Halloween night was like the New York Stock exchange with every one's treasures poured out and bidding going on that became more sophisticated, the older we got.  Ahhh, those were the days!

All I know is, some of my best childhood deals started out with "if you give me one of your cookies...."

Until next time,

#cantwaitforchristmasbaking

Your pal,

Kari

What do you get when you wonder and worry?

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and while our immediate family has been fortunate and escaped this particular type of cancer, we have not been untouched by the cruelties and suffering brought on by the sudden onset of this disease,  Many of our close friends, and extended family members have had to deal with this diagnosis and have heroically braved the battle.  And while many have won the initial skirmishes, not all have won the war.

While we know intimately the women who are waging the front-line battles, many times forgotten are the little heroes behind the scenes.  The children of these brave women who often are left "wondering and worrying" what will happen to their mothers - perhaps not understanding the full diagnosis, treatment plan, side affects, etc., basically the journey their mother is about to embark on.   This is true for any child whose parent is suffering a life threatening illness (be it dad or mom) but October in particular brought it to mind for me.  And we all know, parents worry about their children and what can be done for them.

Serving Austin and surrounding areas, one of the best kept secrets that needs to be spread is an organization called Wonders and Worries.  This group serves children who may have a parent diagnosed with a serious illness.  This group serves children regardless of the parent's ability to pay because that is the last thing a seriously ill parent needs to worry about at this point.  This organization has so many success stories of children and parents coping and surviving what can be a family's darkest hour.

I have had the honor of serving on the board of Wonders and Worries for the past eight months now and I continue to be amazed at the great work being done by a caring staff relying solely on donated dollars.  I know charitable giving is very personal and everyone has limited dollars to give but I would encourage you to visit the website:  www.wondersandworries.org.

Read firsthand  what has been done and continues to be done in and around the community.

For all of you who have or are struggling through a life threatening illness, particularly those of you with children - you are my shero (or hero).  Know that if you are in Austin, there is help available for you.  If you are in other locations, please look and see if there are other resources available.  God's blessings to you all!

Until next time,
#makeadifference

your pal,

Kari

What did we take pictures of.....before Selfies?

Snapchat!

I had dinner tonight with my 17 year old daughter Madison, and her boyfriend Robert.  Wait, he didn't actually join us but I felt like he was there because Madi was busy "snapchatting" him while we waited for our meal.  Okay, and during our meal until I told her I didn't want to spend the entire evening in the restaurant.

I shouldn't assume that everyone knows what "Snapchatting" is.  This is an app on smart phones and tablets that allows you to take pictures of yourself and send them IMMEDIATELY to whoever you are "Snapchatting" with.  This can be one person or many.   You do this instead of talking or texting because we all know a picture is worth a thousand words.  Even pictures received at the rate of 3 per minute.  It's like a tennis match with pictures being volleyed back and forth until someone's face falls off from fatigue. 

The benefit of pictures versus words - words, if not chosen wisely, can leave an ugly mark and these are sight unseen.  Con - you can write words on the Snapchat so caution should be exercised at all times when combining the two.

Notice the countdown

Another benefit of Snapchat , the picture only lasts for a matter of seconds and then it disappears forever.   Downside:  A wily recipient can screensnap the photo if done really quickly (sorry Marissa, I needed an example),  Don't quote me on this, but screensnaps are frowned upon in several states.  

Snapchatting is not to be confused with "selfies".  Selfies are when you take pictures of yourself in various poses, pouts or places and share them with proclamations of praise, prose, or prattle generally to invite solidarity, commentary, or both.  (I feel fairly certain that some people are unaware that the camera lens would exist for any other purpose).  Selfies need no special app - you just point the phone at yourself and presto - you have taken a picture of yourself.

If you are really savvy, you will then check out what apps you can download to take that unfiltered shot and enhance the naked photo with the best lighting possible, perhaps eliminate any unfortunate red-eye and crop out any unnecessary clutter in the background.  You can create your own backgrounds to create a theme for the portrait (picture seems so tame now) that you are creating.

Just for fun you can download many other apps - though these are the ones you use when you save pictures of other people.  They have apps for what a person would like like when he/she is  xxx amount of years older,  or were xxx amount of pounds heavier.  Those are always fun for a few laughs.

And so many venues to post whatever you want to call the photos these days.  I never get it right and Madi corrects me all the time,  If I say snapshot, it's supposed to be screenshot (I think) or if I say picture of you - I really meant selfie.  I think you catch my drift.  But back to venues -obviously you can email or text pictures (old school and so limiting).  There is Facebook (where all your friends and friends of friends) can see, depending on settings.  Don't forget Instagram and Twitter.  I am sure there are more that I don't know about, because it's hard enough to try and keep up with those.

Don't get me wrong, I do love all the pictures and technology is amazing.  And now if you want  a picture of just about anyone - there is no short supply.  I chuckle when I think of our family pictures we have posed for in the past, but I also remember how much joy and planning went into those photographs, especially when we were doing the pictures as a Christmas surprise for someone.  

This is what I do know - I want every picture of my grandkids...and I don't care who is taking them.

Until next time,

#snapatyalater

your pal,

Kari