What are you afraid of?

Is it fear itself?  Fear is a funny thing (and not the kind of thing we laugh about).  Webster says fear is "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause us pain, or is a threat".  What Webster fails to tell us is that fear is different for all of us.

I am a relatively successful, extremely educated woman.  I have enjoyed a full life combined with a variety of opportunities and experiences, all which add up to who I am.  Yet, I have fears.  Many are unfounded, some are very dated and I even have one or two I have overcome.

The fear of mice is not one I have overcome.  Plural or singular, this is a fear of mine.  I can become completely undone by the very presence of a small, furry rodent in my midst.  Houses lose appeal (to me) should a mouse be spotted (or maybe even a sighting reported). Now, is everyone afraid of mice?  No...of course not.  Is that a rational fear?  Well, again, Webster does not define fear as something that is rational.  I wholeheartedly agree that it is very unpleasant. 

The fear of mice was not something I was raised with.  I had an unfortunate experience with a mouse when I was around eight years old that has "scarred me for life".   Earlier in that fated day, my mom had "us five kids" bring in the cat because she heard a mouse in the cupboard.  She opened the door, the cat retrieved the mouse and outside they went.  Mission accomplished.  All was well.  Moments later, while my mom was on the phone with my grandma, I thought I heard another mouse.  I opened the door and the mouse leaped out on my leg, ran down to the floor and took off.  (Yes, I realized later I forgot the cat).  I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER!!!!  Apparently, this was a source of humor to my mother as she could hardly contain herself to assure my grandma that I was NOT BEING MURDERED.  

So...to this day, I am afraid of mice.  I know they aren't necessarily dangerous, that I am much bigger. blah, blah, blah.  Again...no one said fear is rational.  Megan (oldest daughter) has grown up unscathed by my experience and keeps rodents in her house...she calls them gerbils.  Yet, when she was nine and I tried to pay her good money to remove a dead mouse from the stairway, would she help me?  Hell. No.  Marissa and Madison have a little more common sense.  They recognize that mice are nothing more than vermin that can ruin your life.  We have all spent quality time on chairs, tables, and any other available furniture during an alleged invasion.  If you spot one, there are at least three.  THEY NEVER TRAVEL ALONE.

So what are you afraid of?  Certainly today in this world we have our choice of things we might be fearful of.   On any given day on Facebook, Twitter, the news, etc. you can read differing opinions on how we should handle refugees, terrorists, politicians, I think you get the drift.  We all have as many differing opinions as we do fears and while we may not always understand or even agree with each other, I believe we all know what it feels like to be afraid (or have an opinion) of... something. Fears (and opinions) aren't always rational.  If based on faulty "knowledge" these fears and opinions can be unfounded.  And sometimes fear drives opinions.  We all know of people who didn't make the right decisions when they were afraid. (thinking right now of a story I saw on the news of a mother who jumped out of a moving car while her child was still in it, because of a bee.....she was afraid).

Where does that leave us?  I am just wondering if maybe, we all took the time that we spent espousing our opinions (and fears) and actually put our intent into action, what the end result might be in our own little world?  I might not be talking about mice anymore.  For example, if I am afraid of being hit by a car, I don't demand that all cars be taken off the roadway, or that there be no more imported vehicles brought in the country.  What I will do is learn safe behavior so that when I am around cars, accidents are less likely to happen.  Obviously, I don't want to live my life in fear, so I need to be as proactive as possible and still be the person that I believe God intended me to be.  I might not be talking about cars anymore.

We can all afford this!

There is only so much we can do, but there is SOMETHING WE CAN DO.  In my world, if I see someone hungry, I can offer food.  If I know of someone who is lonely, I can visit.  I can take a name off an angel tree and buy a gift for a child less fortunate.  I can drop canned goods off at the food bank.  I can smile at all I pass by, without judging or profiling.  And in return, maybe they will afford me the same opportunity. When someone asks me to pray for them, I will.  I can ask others to pray for me.

This is what I know.  Everyone is afraid of something.  Education, understanding (and tolerance) of others who fear can be beneficial to all.  Actions speak louder than words.   Let's work together.  If you take care of any mouse situations for me....I will kill your spiders.

Until next time,
#helovedusfirst

your pal,
Kari

Ask my mother!

When I was young, (let's start with the teenage years first) I believed there were appropriate time lines associated with just about everything we experience in life.  When I would see young married couples in their twenties, just starting a family, I thought they were very mature and grown-up. Worldly, even.  I would imagine my life in just a few short years and how much more "together" I would be.

My original three

When my grandmother died when I was 15, I truly believed for awhile that I would never smile again.  I was appalled at those laughing and visiting at the church luncheon put on immediately following the funeral.  Was there no decency or respect left in the world??  Surely, this wasn't appropriate behavior given the circumstances.  I also believed that if I only could have been older (grown-up) when this happened, I would have handled this loss so much easier.

Oh, the fallacies of youth.  Obviously, I have learned since that time that there is NEVER an appropriate age to say good-bye to anyone. It will always be too soon.  And I have been through loss that is prolonged and expected along with sudden without warning.  For those who say "it must be easier if you are prepared", I beg to differ at this time.  I am still wondering what "prepared" looks like.

Little Megan 

Which brings me to my mother.  I recall when my oldest daughter (Megan) was in her twenties.  I don't remember what was going on with her at the time, but I was talking to my mom and I very seriously asked (Keeping with my theory on time lines)..."how old will my kids be when I don't worry about them anymore?"  She said, "I'll let you know."  Wow!

Riss and Madi

Considering that I was my mother's firstborn, this was not comforting news.  It was like a full realization that the baby I was so excited to welcome into my world (times four) would be an active part of my thought (er worry) process EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!  Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids (and a few others I didn't even birth), but WOW!!  I guess I always knew I would be worried when they were little, probably concerned and even annoyed when they were teenagers, but as adults - come on.  But wait, there's more!  Then they have children for you to add to the list.

Obviously, I wouldn't trade the joys and experience of being a mother (or Mimi) for anything in this world.  It's just that I wonder how many women (and men) really understand the emotional commitment they are making when they believe they are ready to have a child.  Surely, this should be a relationship of a lifetime, for a lifetime....without the vows of "for better or worse". Surely....it should be!

I know this, when you think about something that involves EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, it could sound like a sentence.  And to me it is....the best sentence I have ever read!!!

HA- Play on word intended!!

Until next time,
#blessbethetiesth


atbind

your pal,

Kari

My dad - The Veteran of Blue Light Specials!!

Serving proudly

It's true.  Today is Veteran's Day and my Dad was a Veteran.  He proudly served in both the Norwegian Underground and the U.S, Army during World War II.  And I thought it appropriate to mention that today, as we honor all our Vets who have given so much so that we might have so much more.

But then I saw the commercial and we all know that if it is on TV - it is gospel. The Blue Light Special is back.  For those of you  who DON'T know what a Blue Light Special is (and I can't image who that might be)....let me tell you.

Not that I care to date myself, but I recall the Blue Light Special from my days of youth.  Back when K-Mart was the premier variety store of choice and you could get just about anything you needed at your local store.

Growing up, we frequented the one on 29th street (between Adams and Topeka Boulevard).  This was a nice sized store and a quick 15 minute drive from our house.  When the holidays were "just around the corner" you could load up on all your Christmas presents and put them on layaway; making regular payments right up until Christmas.  You never had to worry about the store running out of the particular item you needed before you had the cash.  But wait....I digress.

At any given time, while you were shopping, the store might feature a BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL. When this was announced, you usually had ten minutes to get to the flashing blue light and purchase whatever the featured item was for the day!

So, not only was my Dad a Veteran of World War II, I think it is safe to say that we are all veterans of other things.  And one of the things my dad was a veteran of was the infamous K-Mart Blue Light Special.  Now, some of us were more selective than others when it came to shopping.  Every time I think of K-Mart, and specifically - a Blue Light Special, I will always think of my dad.  HE COULD NOT PASS UP A BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL!  If the item was camping equipment - he bought it.  Did we go camping?  Absolutely NOT.  But, this was a BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL.  Pet food???  In the cart!  Did he have pets?  Of course not.  I never could quite get him to see the irony of purchasing things on sale that we had no use for.

My dad struggled with shopping in general.  He loved to buy "us five kids" clothes for the holidays. The trouble was, he thought our size was the same as our age.  So, by the time we reached our teenage years. he had us unwrapping gifts in sizes ranging from 14-18.  For us girls, none of us weighed more than 100 pounds and once we topped 5'2 - that was the milestone.  I recall one Christmas when cowl necks were very popular.  My sisters and I laughed so hard as we got lost in those size 14-18 cowl neck sweaters that he insisted we try on for him.  Good times....

Another blue light special item was boxed bubble bath.  He thought it was bubble gum so he picked up several.  This was a Happy Birthday surprise for my sister Katy.  Not sure but she still might have some left.

Dad and Ann-life of the party!

My dad has been gone for just over thirty years now.  It seems like yesterday.  For those of you who have experienced my irreverent sense of humor, in large part that comes from him (although my mom can be pretty funny, too).

I don't know everything but this much I know for sure.  My dad was never one to pass up a blue light special.  I know the next time I am in K-Mart and I see that light go flashing, I won't be going alone to see what's up for grab.





Until next time,

Your pal,
#whoareyouthe#$@*scorekeeper?
(for you, Dad)

Kari

Will it go round in circles??

My world view

So this past week I have walked 76,292 steps.  That equals 31.35 miles.  Why, you ask?  Because I can.  Most of the 30 miles have been spent downtown, walking my life away over the lunch hour.  I am amazed at the accumulation of miles in basically a one mile radius.

From my office I am about four minutes away from the State Capital grounds. which is approximately 2.25 acres.  It is a people watching mecca at all times and often there are protests, rally's or some other event for me to skirt around as I walk.

The complex is criss-crossed with sidewalks which I go up and down in a very obsessive compulsive manner.  As I face the north entrance of the capital, it is imperative that I "go west" as I begin my relentless pursuit of steps in time, always then varying my route by slight degrees.  I like to keep things interesting.

All the time I am walking, I am so busy...inside my head.  Often times I wear earphones,  as I like a musical background while I process.  Some days I solve world affairs in short order.  Other times, I stick to solving my own affairs,  On those days, I win resounding arguments in my head.  I AM BRILLIANT!!!  I am gentle but firm in all rebukes that I must deliver during my 30 minute exercise in solving work conundrums.  When I fall off my "always half full" wagon, those are the days spent walking in silent despondency.  Thankfully, they don't come often.  They are usually followed by prayer walk days.

I know my face must attest to my thoughts at times.  And I know I am not alone.  As I traverse the maze of opportunities each day (and with this beautiful weather, most of my travels have been outdoors), I often see people like me.  The solitary walkers.  And I watch their faces.  Sometimes their lips move wordlessly, or the eyebrows will raise slightly....but they are working things out in their head too. We are an army, all marching to our own beat.

Sometimes I try to divert from the Capital grounds but I am always drawn back before the walk is over.  It's not a mystery, really.  When "us five kids" were growing up, we could not wait for the first real snowfall.  We had a nice sized backyard, and once the snow had stopped, we would run around in a circle, until it was well defined.  We would then create connecting paths within the circle so that soon it was one, big maze.  Now, we were ready to play snow tag.  And the rule was, you had to stay within the lines of the maze.   (and so also began my odyssey with obsessive compulsive disorder).

I don't know everything, but this much I know for sure.  I love to walk, and I don't mind walking in circles.  In fact, as evidenced, I can walk for miles this way....and go absolutely nowhere.  But in my head, I have seen it all!

Until next time,
#keeponmoving

your pal,
Kari

What we have here....

All we have left are words...

Well, it's finally happened.  I really thought I would get by without going through an awkward phase with this particular daughter.  You mothers who have daughters know what I am talking about..when you just can't seem to communicate on the same level that you used to.  Something has changed, although both of you will swear that "it's not me".

Even more shocking is the fact that it's not my 18 year old I am having this failure to communicate with.  It's one of my daughter's who left home YEARS AGO.  The one that claimed to be my "mini me" and that (until now) I have always been "on the same page with".  Even today she said to me, "I just don't understand what you are trying to say to me..." or maybe words to that affect.

WHY did she have to get a SAMSUNG when she knows I have an IPHONE??????  She is the one who introduced me to emoji's
and now almost everything I say (in pictures)  is lost in translation.  It's like we aren't even the same people anymore!!!  With this newest upgrade, I have the coolest new faces (and gestures) I want to share with her, but it's all for naught.

SHE DOESN'T GET ME ANYMORE!!!!

Alcohol-the great translator!

I just sent her my newest fave - the upside down smiley face.  Who doesn't love that?  Well, Marissa doesn't, because SHE CAN'T SEE IT!  And she blamed it on ME.  The mother who remained true to the IPhone that Marissa (yes Marissa) encouraged me to get.  And now, we have a year to go on this ill-fated contract that she signed, that will further drive a wedge in our relationship.

I thought about sending her that new hand gesture that came out on our latest update, but that wouldn't be setting a good example.  I think you Apple users know which one I am talking about.  I guess I will just stick with the praying hands.  Apparently, even Samsung carries that one. (YAWN)

Luckily, I am typing this week's blog on my computer rather than my phone.  Because I would be emoticoning all OVER THE PLACE!

Don't get me wrong.  While our relationship is being tested, we are coping as best we can...with whatever words we can come up with to use in replacement of appropriate emoji's.  It's just so hard.

During this trying time, while I don't know everything, this is what I do know.  I HEART all things SMILEY FACE (of any type) and many other emoticons too numerous to mention at this time.  And just to be clear, we can communicate quite well on one thing - GO ROYALS!!!

Until next time,
#useyourbiggirlwords,

Your pal,

Kari

Play it again....

I have become increasingly aware of a problem that exists in many areas of our life.  And it begins when we do something wrong.  Believe it or not, this will happen to all of us at some point in our years on this earth.  And the problem isn't that we have done something wrong.  THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN.  I believe the problem is the rarity in which problems are dealt with correctly.

We live in a community that hashes over how we do everything wrong.  Turn on the evening news on any given day and you can hear about mistakes made,dating back several years.  Especially during these political times!  I will use a more recent example.

Not "those" officials- But real none the less

I am still hearing on the news, radio, etc. about a San Antonio football game that happened weeks ago, where players attacked an official - perhaps at the instigation of their coach.  Okay.  How many times do I need to hear that?  They have replayed the story over and over -  talking about different angles -how it might have happened, what could have lead to it happening, etc.....BUT NEVER once have I heard them talk about this negative event in the context of what should have happened.

What do I mean?  I mean just once, break down the situation and talk about an outcome with a different ending, once the alleged negative behavior has occurred.

The reason I point this out is - I believe this type of attitude plays forward in all types of scenarios in our lives.  We have the communicators who speak aggressively rather than assertively.  We have the managers/supervisors who may honestly believe they are addressing a problem by going over our mistake 50 different ways but never once stating how they would like to see it resolved.  Or we have the parent personalizing behaviors instead of addressing problems.  Just like we see on TV.

I don't know everything, and I am far from perfect, but when I error, I hope I error in kindness.  My goal is, both to myself and others, visualize and then express what the expectation looks like. Anyone who knows me will tell you, some of my best explanations are given with an analogy.

Until next time,
#whatcanidodifferently
#whatcanyou?

your pal,
Kari

The first thing you read...is the room

There is so much written about just "being yourself" but we all know that isn't really true.  Don't we?  And if you haven't learned that lesson already, you will soon enough.  I would dare to say you are close to 30 (or under) and may still think that everyone wants to know who YOU really are.  And that we all have the RIGHT to be who we REALLY are....at all times and in all places.

Au contraire, mon ami.  For those of you who are not bi-lingual, that means, On the contrary, my friend.

Or "read the house"

I was sitting on an airplane the other day (minding my own business) but came close to stepping into someone else's,  I chose not to for a couple of reasons.  I was tired, I had heard the words before...and primarily, I didn't have small children with me.  There were two guys sitting directly behind me. They were speaking clearly and quite loudly so I could not help but overhear.  And what I overheard was the f-bomb every other word.  Now, like I said, I have heard the word before, may have even said it myself a time or two, HOWEVER, as I have told my kids more than once - "know your audience" or "be aware of your surroundings" or how about "time and place"?

My mouth may not have said anything but my face told a different story.  And when I looked around, I noticed other people were "expressing" the same disdain.  Now, before we all start spouting off about how we don't care about what other people think about us...we all know that isn't really true. Don't we?  If that was that case, we wouldn't take such care in our appearance, the clothes we wear, etc.  I think sometimes we just forget.  A momentary lapse of how we come across to others.

I can still remember when the light bulb came on in my head.  I was 25 years old (yes, I caught on rather quickly if I do say so myself).  I had said something quite rude out loud while I was at the bowling alley with our work bowling league.  I instantly knew that I had offended an older woman on the team.  My first reaction was to puff up and get all defensive (after all, this was after hours - I can say and do what I want - BLAH BLAH BLAH).  I quickly realized I was reacting that way because I was embarrassed.  Perhaps in another venue, with other people, I would have been fine.  At times I say rude things because I think they are funny.  Not everyone appreciates my sense of humor.  I was being schooled in "how to read a room - time and place and knowing your audience" and it was a bitter pill to swallow.

BUT I DID.  I went up to the woman and apologized.  Because in reality, I meant no harm and I did not want her to think less of me for something so small.  That type of impression can travel fast.  Not necessarily the faux pas but the inability to rebound gracefully.

So, while I may still be far from perfect (this is a chronic condition that I am learning to live with), what I have learned is to be gracious and recognize the opportunity for a "do over" when it presents itself.  And maybe even more importantly, the ability to allow others to do the same.

Until next time,
#bethebestthatyoucanbe

your pal,
Kari