When another door closes....

#proudparents!

Our last child at home is graduating from high school this week.  We have been very busy with all the things that come with graduation.  And most of them involve "last times",  We have had baccalaureate, athletic banquet and senior night for softball.  Those doors have closed and there is only one more step to bring this forgone academic journey to a positive end.

For most people, there is some sadness when the last child prepares to leave the nest.  It's not like this situation is unique to us.  But truly, we are feeling somewhat "different".  Of our six kids, Madison is the only child that had both parents full-time.  She is the "ours" of our Yours, Mine and Ours" family.  What a blessing it has been to raise a child with a full-time partner in crime.

Having been used to making decisions for our kids as a single parent, we both had to make some adjustments in our parenting style.  Of course, Madison never knew any different but I assure you, the rest of the kids did.  I like to think of our combined parenting style somewhat like the well-known parents (eventually) in "The Sound of Music".  While I may be the only parental singer in the Von French family, (you know how I am), I also like to laugh and have fun.  Don't get me wrong, Terry never used a whistle to get the kids attention, but push-ups were (and still are) popular when you need to make a point.

So we have this final door closing.  Another benefit of being married is that we both are closing the door together.  We have spent many hours over the almost 20 years sharing our thoughts, feelings and ideas on so many different things, including all six kids.  This is no different.  Yet it is.  My dad used to always tell us five kids, "you only have one mom and one dad".  But, you can never have too many people love you.  So, regardless of the love shared for all the kids, a step-mom/step-dad never take the place of original parents.  And that's okay - we all get to share our love for Madison together.

Last Athletic Banquet=three winners!!

So while this door is closing, we see many windows opening.  The new adventures of "Madison in College" and the equally exciting journeys of the Von French couple.  I see dancing lessons, travel abroad and couple's cooking classes in our future.  Full disclosure - Mr. French does NOT see the same things.

But what fun it will be to continue to share our ideas, thoughts and feelings (I am more the feelings person and Mr. French has many thoughts - we hope to meet in the Ideas category)

Until next time,
#karaokeanyone?
#blessbethetiesthatbind


Your pal,
Kari

Love you more.

Like most of us, I love many people.  And I love each of them differently.  I wish I could say I love all of them unconditionally, but that is not true.

Relationships are a funny thing.  Whether it be a significant other, a parent, sibling, child, cousin, niece, nephew, aunt, uncle, grandparent, friend, etc. each relationship comes with baggage, shared history, preconceived notions, etc. etc.  And just like people, they all look different.

I can't remember how old I was when I realized "love with expectation" didn't work for me.  By that, I mean "I will love you, if...."  If anything, this made me less likely to WANT to be loved by that person.   The next realization was that there were some people that I loved more than they loved me. Ouch.  Or maybe it was the recognition that love is cyclical, ebbing and flowing for each of us; and I was on the receiving line of "ebbing".  That might be it, too.  When I was younger, I might have retaliated (also know as cutting your nose off to spite your face).  Now, I just

Gift from Terry-common theme!

make informed decisions.

When Madison was little, we had this word play:    Mom-I love you.  Madi-I love you, too.  Mom-I love you more than crummy old that. Whoever says the next line first: Infinity and beyond..done, "wins".    Either one of us could start, but the winner obviously loved more.  We also communicate our love via a series of hand squeezes (I started this with Megan and used the "code" with all the girls).

If I believe I am in the "Love More" category, then I need to decide how to show that love.  This is tricky.  I have reached the point where if I am currently loving someone "more", I have to decide what I need to do for me, so I can continue to love and enjoy that person.  

That might mean I go see them, regardless of how many times they come to see me.  I call them even though they rarely reach out to me.  I quit keeping score and just do what I need to.  This allows my love for them to continue (maybe even grow), without any expectation of return.  Because this is what I need to do to be happy and keep them in my life.  (And you can love someone without liking them - but that is a whole other Oprah.)  

Unfortunately, I know of other relationships where the opposite is true.  Somber Sue may love more than Jaded John will ever return, (son, brother, parents) so Sally's plan now involves calling less, visiting next to never, only acknowledging birthdays and Christmas (with a card).  And guess what, the end result is Sally is angry and sad.  Angry because she can't make John respond as she  "wishes"  and ultimately sad because now she has less than she did before.  Meanwhile, John Doe is oblivious to any of this.

What is wrong with this picture?  All that Sally has done is to emulate John's behavior.  Remember, John  did not seem to need the relationship as much as Sally (at least at this time),  Who is Sally hurting?

I don't know a lot but this is what I do know - we have a choice.  We can't choose for anyone else.  I choose to love....regardless (unless you fall in the "conditional" category, and then I will cut you off like a gangrene arm.)

Until next time,
#notthescorekeeper

your pal,
Kari   

What a difference a face makes!

Did I mention you can color?

I don't know what we did for entertainment before we had our mobile amusement centers.  There are so many app's available with new ones being developed every day.  How did something that originally started as a telephone progress so far?

Quite frankly, if I receive too many calls I resent the intrusion.  Texting has become the new way to communicate and one this introvert falls into naturally.  I was talking with a girl at work the other day and we are both guilty of returning all voice messages with a text (if we can get by with it).  I am not talking strangers, I am talking loved ones.

Our technology has evolved to a point of on-line access for appointments, pressing numbers for automated services, etc.  Now don't get me wrong, I do have a few phone calls I make every week and I truly enjoy them.  But these are planned and scheduled.

But I am digressing from my original thought.  From all appearances, when my daughter is on her phone, I think she is "Texting".  Not. So.  She could be on Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter,(just to name a few) or more likely "Snapchat".  Apparently I didn't fully appreciate this app until I was indoctrinated by Madison.

Yikes!!

I want her nose!!!

Snapchat is what you do when you aren't talking, Face-timing or texting.  You send updated pictures of yourself back and forth to one or many.  It's your call.  Now if that wasn't fun enough (??), you can decorate or distort your own face (so many options) or ...and this is my new favorite - SWAP FACES WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!  This trick is hi-larious!!!!!!  

Now the next logical observation is how easily entertained I can be.  Madison will send me different "snapchats" throughout the day that make whatever current meeting I am in, more enjoyable.  Luckily I haven't been called out when my face breaks into a big ole grin (and many times I am stifling guffaws).  

The greatest challenge is now to subtly return the snapchat with a face of my own.  Some of them call for you to open your mouth which raises the ante.  I can hold my phone as if I am just looking at it just as expertly as the next person, but if I start raising my eyebrows and opening my mouth (without words coming out), this could be a deal breaker.

So this is what I know.  We can all have more than one look.

Until next time,
#aboutface

your pal,
Kari

What is your Alpha and Omega?

Recently I heard a pastor share reflections at a fund-raising lunch I attended.  She referenced "the Alpha and Omega" (beginning and end) as we know it as Christians, but also talked about how we all experience the Alpha and Omega in our own lives.

Our Alpha is pretty concrete.  We all know our beginnings.  Some of us have more solid beginnings than others, but if you have reached the point where you are reading this blog, you survived your beginnings and know the story of "you".  You can recite a date that is celebrated (or acknowledged) annually and look forward to a repeat performance in the years to come.  The Omega is a different thing.

None of us know our ending.  Not only are we clueless about the date, time and means of our Omega. many of us live as though this outcome is optional.  And how about all the times we have wished our life away (specifically those Monday's where we get up and already wish it was Friday).

The "Beginning" of the evening

Last weekend, Madison went to her "last" Jr/Sr. formal.  She has already experienced the end of her basketball season and we are now in the playoffs for softball.  Graduation looms in less than four weeks.  The "Omega" of high school is coming.  Yet, four short years ago, she was at the Alpha of all her high school experiences.  Not knowing what the outcome would be, (and only vaguely acknowledging that at some point it would be over), she and her classmates excitedly began this time of life.

It is the same way with marriage.  When we commit to a beginning with someone, it is assumed that we will be with them "until death do us part".  As evidenced by statistics, death morphs into divorce for many and comes at all different times in a marriage (with as many different reasons).

Yet we begin each new venture as if there is no end in sight.  Which is as it should be since we want this to be a marathon versus a sprint (by God's Grace).  Nothing would ever get done or be successful if we were already planning on an "escape" plan.

However, regardless of outcome, it is important to note that with each ending, there comes a new beginning.  Madison will go from a high school graduate to a college freshman in the fall.  Everything is new and the possibilities are endless.

Even when a marriage ends. the affected couple begins life "anew".

I don't know what my Omega looks like, but I do know that this place we are in (wherever it is) is not our last stop.  I am thankful for all the positive experiences that began with such hope, and maybe even more thankful that negative experiences finally ended.  Even as each day ends, a new one begins.

Until next time,
#thatslife

your pal,
Kari

If a picture is worth a thousand words - why do I still hear you?

By now, I cannot be the only one who wishes we had election year boundaries.  Obviously, there is no criteria for a candidate to run, so wouldn't it be nice to limit our exposure?

What does this picture tell you?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  Let's encourage this as our new method of campaigning.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to silence the insult throwing, half-truths and false promises with just a picture? And why do they all YELL?  I can imagine it now....a picture holding a baby for truth (or a facsimile thereof); a mean face for insults (or any hateful rhetoric); how about a thumbs up with those who choose to endorse the candidate simulating support?  I love this idea.

Talk is cheap anyway.  Isn't it the actions that come from everything we say that is ultimately what matters?  It's not just the elected officials either (though I am really tired of them right now).

If we say we will drive careful and pay attention, we should.  Otherwise, the results can be life-changing (or life-ending).  When we say we are sorry, we should be (and our actions should reflect whatever it is we are sorry about).

Food face - safe bet!

Those who know me know I say "just because you feel something, doesn't make it true".  I say this because feelings change; and many times we have the ability to choose how we feel.  Those "feelings" can take the form of words, actions or both.  Another favorite line of mine (ask my kids) is "just because something is true, doesn't mean it needs to be said".

Let's think about that for a minute.  If I have food on my face, that is a "truth" that I can change and would welcome the insight.  (real life examples always are the best).  Now, if I notice that someone is gaining or losing weight, (besides myself)  I doubt they need me (or anyone else) to point it out to them.  One, it is something they are aware of and two, a comment regarding same doesn't provide an immediate opportunity for change.  

Hair style changes can be tricky, too.  Now we are talking about "opinions".  I will never forget a comment shared after I got my hair cut.  It was when I was working at Insurance Services Office (this goes back a few years...ok - 35, but it obviously made a lasting impression. )  I remember the whole scene.  I walked to my desk and was putting things away when Dorothy (the receptionist) called me over.  She was an older lady (compared to me at the time, but probably about my age now).  She had those glasses that she wore on a chain around her neck.  She put them on, (imagine perched at end of nose) and said "did you get your hair cut?"  I replied with a smile, "yes, I did".  After a further once-over, she proclaimed "I liked it better the old way".  WOW. With my smile now frozen on my face I quickly advised "then I am glad I didn't get it cut for you."  And walked away.....

If that same thing happened today, I would probably respond differently.  But that doesn't mean any more appropriately.  I could see myself grabbing my head, moaning in agony and exclaiming, "Oh God no. What can I do to make this better for you!"  I obviously have gotten more dramatic (and mouthy) with age?  Buyer...Beware!

I don't know why I choose this road when confronted (with anything) since not everyone appreciates my humor as much as I do.  It is a safe bet to say, I have been the instigator in helping my kids respond in this type of manner.

Maybe it can best be explained by what my dad told my brother-in-law as he became exposed to the ways of our family - "Don't mind the girls, Tony, they just like to giggle."

Until next time,
#alwayslookingforalaugh
(hope it doesn't cost you)



your pal,
Kari

Rainy days and Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

Friday is coming!

We have had rain in the forecast since Saturday.  And the weather person has been spot on this time.  Lately, it seems it is dark and rainy when I wake up and dark and rainy when I drive home.  When Terry emptied the rain gauge on Sunday (after approximately 36 hours had passed) we had over 8 inches of rain.  And that was three days ago.   It seems as if we either "feast or famine" on this resource we rely on so heavily.

When we first moved to Austin, Lake Travis was around 40% full and losing water rapidly.  Long time Austinites would tell me, this lake can fill up after just a few days of rain.  I did not believe them but that is exactly what happened.  Last spring when it started raining, it quickly filled up to 80% and since that time, it continues to increase. And here we are, at spring again -with our latest number at 102%.

We live on high ground so if we experience flooding, EVERYONE will be in big trouble.  But Austin has many low lying areas that have flooded frequently lately.  I can't imagine how disheartening it would be to have to come in and try to clean a mess like that up ONCE, let alone numerous times.

So we will be "feasting" on the rain, until once again, the sun comes out and dries everything out...for too long, and then we will be longing for the dark wet mornings (and nights) that we have no more.

It seems to me, in my life and in conversations with others, that many aspects of life have that "feast or famine" theme.

Have you ever been so busy at work you could barely keep your head out of water (play on words intended) only to find yourself the very next week, desperately trying to find something (anything) to do that will make the clock continue to move forward?

How about life in general?  So much to do, so little time - until all you have is time on your hands. Or our health?  Do we appreciate it when everything is going well (or only notice it when we enter the dark days of illness?)

There are so many "words" we could fill in (blessings, love, attention, etc. etc. etc) that could outline where we are at any given time in the "feast or famine" category.

I wonder if it is how we look at things that determine a "feast or famine"?  I have always told my kids that if they believe they can't do something, won't like something, will never get something right, then that is exactly what will happen.  If this is the case, could we be creating our own "famines" in some areas?

Yes, I believe so.  Now, don't get me wrong.  We cannot determine how much rain will fall (outside and in our life).  But we can choose how we receive the "rain".  When we are "drowning" in abundance, maybe that is when we should set out the barrels so we will have the "overflow" to fall back on during those dry spells.

Until next time,
#umbrellasup

Your pal,
Kari

Now I'm just somebody that I used to know

Chips add to a smile!

How many people do you suppose we are in a lifetime?  We can do the easy math and start counting roles.  In my instance, I started out as the first daughter, first granddaughter, first niece (notice a theme here?)  But as I was growing up, I quickly added the role of sister (many times over) and eventually somebody became my first friend (and visa versa).  In kindergarten, I became a student and that has continued off and on all my life.  I enjoyed being a girlfriend for the first time in 6th grade.  That involved trading ID bracelets and going to the sixth grade dance.  It seems to be much more complicated these days.  When I was 14, I became an employee for the first time.  Later in life, I became a wife, mother, aunt, boss,(or bossy), grandmother (Mimi) and great aunt.  If I am lucky, there will be more roles to come. And I didn't even count all the "in-law  roles I enjoy along with views and categories that also indicate who I am.

Within each of those roles, I deal with different people and am a different person.  Hence the question, who am I...really?  .

I feel younger than the age group indicated for me.  Milestones besides birthdays are when you move to a new age category for customer service, surveys. etc.  They usually are grouped in a five year span until you reach 65+.  That is the summit of categories.  How quickly it seems I have almost reached my climb to the top.

Yet I am still a wildcard in so many areas.  When I envisioned myself getting old(er), I was certain I would become more dignified, reserved, dare I say adult?  As it happens, I still can't dress myself without assistance (have lost count of the times I wear my leggings inside-out).  I desperately need a bib as evidenced most recently when Madi and I went to the Moviehouse and Eatery.  Such a nice establishment with an in-house chef and a full menu.  This is like going out to dinner in your recliner.  I don't know when I realized I had ketchup from my fries all over my shirt, but I do know it was before the chocolate covered brownie joined in the fray.  When we stood up to leave after the movie, more popcorn spilled off my lap and chair then I had eaten.  I was a disaster.

Count me in when identifying adults with inappropriate tendencies.  Nothing illegal, immoral or unethical but necessary could be a stretch.  Why do I identify necessary as taking pictures of strangers for my sister/daughter/friend/staff meeting to observe?  Because whatever I am taking a picture of is wildly inappropriate so my behavior feels more like a reporting obligation.  Also, please tell me I am not the only mother who has code words frequently used with kids to make subtle observations?  Anyone???

In my favor, I do KNOW how to behave accordingly; but then it comes down to choices.  And I guess my point here is that I thought I would make the right choices ONCE I GREW UP.

I guess the bottom line here is, that is not going to happen.  I am going to be a girl trapped in an old woman's body that still laughs when she shouldn't and thinks she is funny(ier) than may be the general consensus.  Also, I enjoy singing along to the radio like a rock star.  Public - consider yourself warned.

Until next time,
#whoeverIam

your pal,
Kari