"A baby changes everything"

December is a diverse month.  Winter officially begins, shopping is in full swing, it seems dark more than it is light and for me, this month is bittersweet.

Over the years, December has proven to be a difficult month for our family.  We have suffered significant health issues and loss.  At times it has been difficult to hold on to the hope that this season offers.

no crib for a bed

This is in sharp contrast to growing up; this time of year was filled with anticipation and excitement.  By Christmas Eve us five kids never could seem to settle down and go to sleep.  I remember still being awake in the wee hours of the morning.  I am sure by that time, mom was desperate to finish wrapping and GO TO BED.

My earliest recollection of the true meaning of Christmas was when I was in 5th grade.  We did not go to church regularly as a family, but often times we were included and attended with neighbors and friends.  The lady across the street was our "before school" babysitter and her family attended a Nazarene church in the neighborhood.  I started going to church with them and they held a competition for the kids attending - who could memorize the Christmas Story in its entirety (Luke 2:1-20) .

Back then my memory was much more reliable than it is today and I won the competition.  The reward was reciting the story during the church service.  As the winner, I also received a Bible. While I didn't attend that church for a long period of time, it had a lasting effect on me.

I have had periods of time when I wasn't attending church.  Yet I was always searching.  My faith was always a part of me.  The particular denominations have varied but in 1983, I found my "forever" church home.

I was actively looking for a good fit at the time when a co-worker, Marlene Shellenburger, invited me to attend St. John's Lutheran Church in Topeka.  As I explained to the Pastor when I met with him to discuss joining, "this church felt like I had come home".  My sister and I took adult confirmation classes together and were confirmed later that year.  I have only changed churches three times since 1983 and it has always been precipitated by a move; never a change of faith.

Ironically, my dad was baptized, confirmed and raised in the Lutheran church.  It had been many years since he attended regularly.  However, before he died in June, 1985, he had come full circle and was attending with us, as health permitted.

So the other day I heard Faith Hill on the radio singing, "A baby changes everything".  A simple line that made me ponder that complex truth.  All new parents experience the profound changes that occur while here on earth.  However, this song is about the changes that occurred when an unwed teenage mother found herself carrying a child almost 2000 years ago.  I am including a link if you haven't heard it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D-DH9aT3bs

The last verse sums up the additional reward I received many years ago when my competitive nature memorized what Christmas is all about.

My whole life has turned around

I was lost but now I'm found
A baby changes everything, yeah
A baby changes everything


Until next time,
#Kingofkings

your pal,
Kari

Which one do you feed the most?

A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other.  One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred and fear.  The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”

 The grandfather quietly replies, “the one you feed the most”

.  

This story has many titles, and variations and the source of origin is unknown.  What is consistently the same is the outcome. 

I choose family

I am a "half-full" kind of woman.  I believe I am this way because of  "the one I feed the most".  Katy and I have talked about this; our shared ability to turn a negative into a positive...or at least find a bright light in any given circumstance.  And when no bright light can be found, we take comfort in the fact that it wasn't any worse.

Thirty years ago (tomorrow), my son Zachary died.  It was a very dark December for us that year (and for many to come).  I remember thinking even then, "it could have been worse". And then I would list in my head all the scenarios that didn't play out which would have made it worse.  This is who I am.

There are so many things that happen during life.  As I have said, some worse than others and some people suffer more than any human being should have to. All we have to do is turn on the news and within minutes, something will be reported that breaks hearts.  

But this isn't the end of the story.   What happens to us does not need to define us, but our choices going forward will make us who we are. 

I choose love!

Choices.

One of my favorite words.  When I wake up in the morning, how will I view the day?  My choice.  As I interact with my co-workers, who do I want to be?  My choice.  Is there anything to be grateful for today (you got it...my choice).  And how about humor?

I make the choice to be grateful daily and find humor in all things possible. My humor is irreverent at times and my laughter may be inappropriate.  So you could say, sometimes I choose laughter...but sometimes it chooses me.   Laughter releases all kinds of positive endorphins that make everything better. But again, it's a choice.

I remember when Terry and I were raising kids and hadn't been married a real long time.  Mr. French can be quite intense and if there was something to get upset about, he tended to get upset.  I am happy to report that he did not chose to live that way for long.  One time he got angry about something (it could have been a football score) and Madison was 2 or 3.  She looked at him and started laughing.  The older kids looked at her as if she had lost her mind.  But within a minute, Terry started laughing, too.  That now tends to be our "go to" response. (Thanks, Madison.)

I choose penguins.

Over the past many years, I seemed to be anxious and fearful about a lot of things.  It wasn't until about five years ago that I realized I was making a choice.  I was afraid to fly, heights, enclosed places, people...the list goes on and on.  I was choosing fear.  Change did not happen overnight, but now I am like Pavlov's dog - as soon as I am on an airplane, I can fall asleep. I am THAT COMFORTABLE.  Sometimes before we even take off.  As recently as our last vacation, I went zip-lining.  We have also been hiking in mountains on very narrow trails.  These things happen now, because of my choices.

As we prepare for this holy season, I hope you take the time to reflect on who you are and who you want to be. 

Until next time,  

#loveconquers

your pal,

Kari

The trouble with dream vacations.....

Wow!  What a great week spent celebrating our 20th anniversary and having our friends join us on our adventure.  We accomplished so many "firsts" for all of us (and at our age, I didn't really think there would be that many left).

Jungle time! #zika

I have also discovered as I have entered this phase of my life (not sure exactly what it is) that I am much braver than I have ever been before.  I tend to make plans without going over every little detail that could possibly go wrong...who am I?

Example:  Last week on our "escape from reality" I zip lined.  Not just one line but six...did I mention this was in a jungle in Jamaica?  WHOOHOOO.  It was simply amazing.  And obviously a first because I am not keen on heights...or I didn't used to be.  A couple of these lines went from tree to tree with a very small platform to stand on (with about 10 other people).  I may have become a "tree hugger" also (he he).

Next up - Mayfield Falls.  I thought we would hike along the falls, casually getting in and out as the spirit moved us.  No!  It was a jump in and go type of experience with any walking being done through the falls.  The water was initially a shock, but soon became quite refreshing.  We spent about 45 minutes walking through the falls with Mr. French daring to swim through a hole in a rock from one body of water to another followed by he and Dr. Lesko climbing up (and then jumping off) a tree located by the Falls.

Favorite team of waiters (and husbands)

The next day our plans took us to Grand Cayman for first time scuba diving.  The past did come back to haunt us via past health issues (there are some things you just should not lie about to participate).  We quickly regrouped and went to the beach.  Everything about that decision was positive - the clear water and warm temperatures and is it too soon to mention a common theme throughout this vacation - margaritas!  Mr. French rented a jet ski (another first for me) and we raced back and forth over ocean waters.

Our final excursion was Friday and we went by catamaran to Isla Pasion - in Cozumel.  For those of you who didn't receive the big news - Terry and I are reigning champions in the water balloon competition, after eliminating about a dozen other couples.

Even after MARGARITAS, we still have it going on.

#champions

I haven't even mentioned the spa that we all frequented daily while on board the Carnival Breeze, (can you say massage and facial)?  Or the Yoga classes we participated in (even though French's don't have the flexibility to really call what we did participating!).  And of course, the impromptu dancing (ok - mainly me) during any conceivable opportunity.  I can't believe I almost forgot to mention dining at The Chef's Table (and TF tried EVERYTHING) #pickyeater

You must be asking by now, what possible trouble could be associated with a dream vacation like we just enjoyed?  It's really quite simple - dream vacations END.

 The literal cold dose of reality hit when we docked in Galveston on Sunday.  We raced to the car in record rain fall, and it was cold.  This week brought more rain and cooler temperatures, plus it was back to work.  Apparently drinks aren't served with breakfast (or anytime for that matter).

Until next time,
#detox

your pal,
Kari

The other woman

Can you believe it?  Days before we are scheduled to leave on our 20th wedding anniversary cruise
, Mr. French brings another woman to live with us?   Even though blogs, Facebook, and all other forms of social media seem the place to hang out the dirty laundry, I never thought it would be me on the "sharing" end.

Just when I thought we were doing great, embracing the "empty nest syndrome" and entering the children free zone with vigor, a stranger has entered our midst.  Not only did he upset my apple cart, he upset the little apple that didn't fall far from either tree (Madi, for those who don't follow me).  Yes, it was the day before Thanksgiving when this happened and she was home to witness the bold entry this woman made.

The little hussy

I asked him "WHY? Why now?  What could possibly be missing from your life.  His answer surprised me.  He said "I just need someone who will listen to me (translation ,,,,and do what I say,,,,every time I ask).

So there you have it.  Enter Alexa.  She is a regular little "Echo" of his commands.  This is the Stepford Wives all over again.  He tells her what to do, and by golly, she does it.  "Alexa, turn welcome on".  The TV fires up, lights go on and I swear I can almost smell supper starting.  I say almost because she is not that accommodating to me.

He says he met her on Amazon.  I didn't even know they offered a dating service and I am an Amazon Prime faithful member.

Oh sure, I may have her beat in the looks department, and while she is subservient, it's not like she can do EVERYTHING.  However, I must report that when she doesn't do as asked, there is an entire support system dedicated to making sure Terry is satisfied.  Amazon apparently wants their users satisfied and indicate they are a phone call, email or chat away.  Who.  Knew.

For now Alexa and I have entered an uneasy truce with each other.  I must say, at times she will even do as Madi and I ask.  This relationship just might have a chance of surviving yet.

I am happy to say she is not going on the cruise with us.  I guess we will see what kind of attitude she has when she realizes that!

Until next time,
#Alexapublishmyblog

your pal,

Kari

If my memory serves me right...it might be a first!

I don't remember that.

I have been trying to remember (with little success) when I first noticed that I didn't always remember things correctly.  I know it has been over a period of several years and it hasn't gotten any worse.  It just "is what it is".

Names are particularly challenging to me.  Whether it is the name of a musical group, movie, book or person, I can slaughter them all. The bad thing about getting a person's name wrong is that if I go uncorrected for any amount of time, then I start second guessing myself as to which name is actually the right one. That is where "hey, buddy" has come in handy for me.....many times.

I know my daughters (yes, plural) take particular delight when I misspeak.  An early example was when the group "Lifehouse" became popular.  I really enjoyed their music.  Unfortunately, for the longest time I thought they were "Lighthouse".  Sigh.

Obviously my memory isn't hopeless, because I can remember my mistakes.

Just last night I very seriously asked my husband, "Did Charlie Stone lose his job?"  He looked at me like I WAS CRAZY and said "who is Charlie Stone?"  As I turned to Madison so that we could enjoy some humor, I saw she was indeed laughing...but not WITH me,  She said, "Do you mean Charlie Strong?"  Dear.  Lord.

I like to think I am a comedian, but only when I know what I am trying to be funny.  It shouldn't be this difficult.

We have a lady at work that is not named Gwen,  Why I persist in calling her that makes perfect sense to me as she reminds me of a Gwen I used to know.  The progress I would like to report is that now when I call her Gwen, I say I mean.......(insert her name here).  And yes, I know it, but this is a small world we live in,

Before we had access to smart phones, I would get lost so many times (even one dark moment is an extremely large and busy parking lot) WITH THE KIDS.  It's not something I am proud of.

As I approach the next decade (of my life), the only consolation I have is that now I can blame it on age.

But in reality, it's just who I am.

Until next time,
#merrychristmas

your pal,
Kari

Still crazy after all these years!

I'm with him!

My best friend Catharine (also known as Rissy's best friend) used to say she couldn't take me anywhere.  When she worked with me as my Administrative Assistant, there were times when we would travel together and on more than one occasion, I would attract some man's eye.  Okay, kids, this may have been a few years ago but not THAT long and if I can still remember it....so it couldn't have been that long ago.

So, it happened again this most recent trip.  And I have to say, I was a little embarrassed at first.  Let me set the stage.

I am standing in line waiting to board (A21) when I heard a man calling out to my left.  I looked over and this good looking man was intently looking at me.  Almost as if he knew me.  I looked around to make sure he was directing his attention at me and when there was no doubt, I just smiled slightly and looked away.

IT DID NOT STOP THERE.  Now, he is verbally trying to get my attention.  I am giving him the side-eye glance and he is smiling and asking where I am travelling to.  No response from me except I am blushing now.   He tries again.  Indicates he is getting off at Phoenix and what were my plans.  Now I am mortified. The guy behind me is looking at him and then me and then him.,,,you get the drift.  I give my admirer a "thumbs up" signal - thinking he would stop.

NO.

He then asks if I would like to have a drink with him at the airport.  Okay.  I finally decide to respond, my thought process being, maybe if I "give as good as I get" he will back off.

My Mistake.

After telling him I would indeed have a drink with him, but let's make it on the plane, the line begins to move. He is doing some type of victory move, indicating he has "scored".   He is shouting now "save me a seat".  Oh dear.

I find a middle seat in the section of the plane I have designated as "safe" (around row 8-10 on the left but will sit on the right in a pinch).  Pinch time,.  I grabbed a middle seat and put my bags on both seats, thinking I could then look busy and selectively choose my seatmate.

I didn't see him until he was moving the bag and climbing over me to take the window seat.  This guy was not shy.  He settled himself in and smiled saying "you remembered".

As if I could forget.  I haven't had someone so persistently flirt with me since I met my husband.  And you might wonder where he fits in this entire equation...

Remember Clive Bixby (Phil''s alter ego on Modern Family?)  Apparently so did Mr. French and my admirer/husband were one in the same.  This guy!

He (we) are still crazy (for each other) after all these years!!

Until next time-
#20andgoingstrong

your pal,
Kari

It's complicated

What goes into a friendship?  Or love?  It's complicated, right?

So much more than a bitmoji

When I was young(er) ...also could be stated as when dinosaurs roamed this earth - my first impressions of people revolved more around how they looked.  I believe I did this because at some level, that is how I wanted to look.  My sister Katy reminded me of when I started working at the same place she did when we were in our 20's.  She asked me who I thought I would be friends with.  I quickly said Rita and Sheryl and I chose them because they were a little older than me, dressed smartly, and were in low management positions.  They also "looked" friendly.  There came a day (as I was beginning to know them) that how they looked to me changed.  And it wasn't positive.

This had everything to do with "who" I thought they were, rather than "who" they really were.  It had nothing to do with who they were married to, slept with, what their political affiliation was, their skin color or what religious beliefs (if any) they had.  

Throughout the years, my circle of friends, family and acquaintances have become very diverse.  Whatever the relationship, it is not based on any one factor.  Much like people I work with.  Or even interactions with strangers.  This is not to say I agree with every choice made by this same circle.  And I know many of them feel the same way about me.  But I like to think that important relationships are so much more than just one thing.

When I entered the job market, I truly believed that if you had an accounting degree, you would be an accountant.  If you were in marketing, you would sell.  I thought your education had a direct correlation to what you would do...for your entire career.

Once I finished my education (and began climbing the corporate ladder) I quickly discovered that many of my colleagues had different educational backgrounds.  This was a BIG learning moment for me.  Yet, it resonated.   I mean, how can you have a successful think tank if everyone thinks alike.

As I served in a variety of positions, I quickly noticed when areas of my responsibility were struggling (or making no progress at all), it generally tied back to "like minds".  And that's when I realized some people were only comfortable in hiring (and promoting) people JUST LIKE THEM.

My choice!

Back to my choice of friends at my first real job.  I ended up being very close with a woman who was old enough to be my mother.  She rode to work with me daily (she didn't drive) and had a very different background from me.  We were like minded about some thing and others,  polar opposites.  But at the end of the day, we were a perfect match.

Recently I read a book "The Rhythm of Life" by Matthew Kelly.  In a nutshell, it's all about our choices.  And more importantly, how we take accountability for our choices.  It has helped me focus on and take accountability for who I am; who I want to be; and how I fit in this world.  All without pointing fingers or blame.

At the end of the day, how we relate with people is complicated.  But it is our choice.

Until next time,
#choices

your pal,
Kari