Is the juice worth the squeeze?

The other day I was sitting in a meeting and the group was discussing a new approach to reach the desired goal.  The more we talked, the more convoluted it started to sound.  Finally, one of the guys in the meeting said "Is the juice worth the squeeze"?

Wow!  What a GREAT summary.  I instantly told him, I will use that phrase again.  And here we are.

What the heck are we doing?  Whether it be at work, at home, at play.....is the juice worth the squeeze?  Is the effort, thought, worry..... we are putting into whatever it is, worth the outcome?

So much energy is spent on things that at the end of the day, really don't matter.  We are all guilty of believing and subsequently acting, as if we are in control.  Control of our lives, time, future.

Earlier this year I was watching the World Cup and the two teams playing were tied so it went to the shootout (I think that is the proper terminology) where each team chooses a set number of players and they try to score a goal against the opposing team's goalie.  Sometimes it looks as if the goalie is just trying to avoid getting hit but Mr. French advised that a decision by the goalie has to be made before the kicker even kicks the ball because the game moves that quick.

What does that have to do with this blog?  Doesn't it sound even a bit familiar? Every day when we wake up, don't we instinctively start moving in the direction we WANT the day to move in, when in reality, we have NO IDEA of what is coming.

The best laid plans.....

Pastor gave a great sermon several Sunday's ago, where he talked about how we pray for what we need...I should say, what we know we need.  But how can we know what we need, WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMING!!!!

So now we are back to - "is the juice worth the squeeze"?

Is there anything today (or yesterday) that you did that now seemed to have required so much more thought and energy than it was worth (more squeeze - less juice?)

Until next time,
#somethingtothinkabout

your pal,
Kari

I'm just a love machine

Available for calls and confiding!

Yesterday I heard that song on my play list (by The Miracles) and was instantly reminded of one of my best memories.  Several years back (probably longer back than I care to remember), a fund raiser was being held at work that called for performers.  Participation was "voluntold" for the Leadership team and right away the imagination was fired up.

Myself and three other guys (for the most part also introverted like me), decided to "sing/dance" to a medley of songs and "I'm just a love machine" was what Mick and I performed.  We all decided to buy those hideous rubber masks representing past and wannabe Presidents - George Bush, Jimmy Carter and for Mick and I - Bill and Hillary Clinton.   Hence the song....It was posted on YouTube under Thee Presidents for quite some time but don't think it can be accessed now.

We were so much braver behind the masks.  I had no idea they were so empowering.

Which brings me to the topic that I have been pondering lately - social media.  Isn't that like wearing a mask?  Who doesn't feel braver when they can "hide" behind a keyboard?  This is evidenced by comments I continue to see which include (but are not limited to) judging, filthy language, armchair quarterbacking, all or nothing statements, blah, blah, blah.

So thankful for our Freedom of Speech constitutional rights that lets us throw common courtesy and decency to the wind.   I love how much smarter we all are now that we can fire off a response to any given topic, based solely on what is being presented.  No fact finding necessary to see if it is 1) true; or 2) tells the whole story.  How many of us have shared something as if it were gospel, only to find out later it was less than truthful if not just made up? 

I wonder if all the repercussions of social media were imagined when it first came out?  Surely it seemed like a good idea and venue to share family pictures, stories, blogs (here I am)....okay, even what you fixed for dinner.  #guilty

Miss knowing you!

What it has evolved to for some is a replacement for direct communication.   I promise you that there are some folks out there that if they never called me again, although they might not have a clue about what's really going on with me, I would still never miss a superficial  beat in their life.  I know where they have been, what they are wearing, what they are eating (and drinking) in addition to any attitudes, beliefs, judgments, etc. that they may have. 

There in lies another problem.  Surely we represent our "best selves" when we share the pictorial diary of our days.  No one shows what is "less than".  Why would you?  Unless you wanted to really connect with someone specific.  Optional these days.

Before I sign off, remember that while some of what I am sharing in this article is factual, other things are perception and opinion.  And since we live in a world where perception can quickly become reality, buyer beware!

Until next time,
#cuteoutfit
#persocialmedia

your pal,
Kari

Ahhh summer!

First signs of trouble

Can you believe we are half way through summer already?  Except for extreme heat, this is one of my favorite times of year to enjoy the sun, swimming, outdoor cooking.....CONSTRUCTION (not).

There it is.  The one thing all areas have in common during the summer months.  Let's focus on getting those roads fixed before it gets too cold, rainy, treacherous...you catch my drift.  And I have become accustomed to that.  I sigh over the "one lane ahead" signs, I lament over "prepare to stop" signs and I grit my teeth when I reach a "Road Closed" announcement.  But I can roll with it (literally).

However, this year has reached a new level of frustration.  WE HAVE CONSTRUCTION GOING ON INSIDE THE BUILDING.  And I don't just mean the inconvenience of painting or carpet replacement, I am talking full on BATHROOM RENOVATIONS.

What does that mean for me?  Well, I really need to put a lot of thought and planning into bathroom breaks now as they involve some distance (including stairs).  Let's just say there is no such thing as "running down the hall".   Strategy is key here because obviously many people have had their "habits" relocated.  I could really use GPS to find the nearest restroom now and perhaps an app like Open Reservation (think Open Seating) so I can see what is available for me.  Desperately trying to avoid those types of lines you see at Black Friday sales.

Half full.

In this heat, with all the travel now involved in finding a restroom, I think it is time to consider whether we need to offer a water, first aid, or snack station located in appropriate places along the route.  Just to meet all our creature comforts along the way.  Perhaps a bench or two to sit down and catch our breath.

And did I mention THE NOISE?  Jackhammers going off (and on) throughout the day reminds me of a terminal dental appointment.  The walls sometimes make groaning noises that stand my hair on end.  Since all the restrooms are located in the same place on every floor, sometimes I am sure I can feel the vibrations going on where work is happening.


The good news is (remember, I am always half full) that this too shall pass.  Our reward will be sparkling new facilities (that other floors will then line up to use).  Did I mention this is a progressive renovation?  Our gain will be their loss.  Sigh.

Until next time,
#thisisnotadrill

Your pal,
Kari

It's all about relationships!

Recently I had lunch with a former boss (and now more of a good friend/mentor) and we were talking about some things we would like to see happen in the future.  And before the conversation was over, we both agreed - it's really all about relationships.

Different depending on the relationship 

I don't mean that you have to "know someone" to get "somewhere" (that never hurts) but more of recognizing how good relationships can pave the way, smooth the rough edges, enhance the journey (you get the drift).  With that being said, there are consequences (not always bad) that are common in bad relationships.  A bad relationship can cause negative feelings, reactions and disregard for forward movement because you don't like the person you are dealing with.  Negative relationships can also cause you to change your path.  This may be a benefit...only time can tell.

So after our conversation (as oft is the case with many conversations I have) I began to ponder ALL of my relationships and past experiences with people (both positive and negative).  I wanted to discover if there was a pattern, maybe a sequence of events that could determine whether or not the relationship would be good, bad or indifferent (a very real category).

Very often, it is easy to generalize our relationships.  Maybe even the importance of same.  Case in point.

When working with direct reports at work, I have often been heard saying "You don't have to like everyone, but I better not be able to tell the difference."   Not that anyone has ever been so blatant to an employee they didn't like, but nevertheless, it shows up in many ways.  An opportunity may arise that the employee out of favor will never be considered for.  Evaluations may show a slant towards recognizing all employees for a similar factor (and outcome) at different levels.  When fresh eyes review material like this, it becomes glaringly apparent.

How about relationships with parents, siblings, children?  It is easy to say that because we are siblings, our relationships are the same (or as mother, I enjoy a relationship with all my kids).  Fair enough at face value but sharing a common bond does not indicate a similar relationship.  And, of course relationships evolve and change over time. 

IMHO (short cut for in my humble opinion) if you have a good (or bad) relationship with someone and it changes over time, you now have options.  I have some relationships that have been in place since high school.  We go long periods of time without connecting and when we do, it is like we last spoke yesterday.  I have also had relationships that were once very close and have become more distant over time.  Not because of some slight or misunderstanding, but factors like age, distance, different opinions, etc. have now come into play.  Now this is a "crossroads" point where one can decide; eh, given current priorities, that relationship can go on as is...or wow, here is an opportunity to work on a relationship that is really important to me.   Because as we know, all good things require work.

So, where are you at in your relationships?  Any work need to be done?  What do you do when you want the relationship more than the other?

I can't answer the first two questions but as for the third, I do what is right for me.  In other words, I don't keep score and think "It's their turn to call, visit, check-in" etc.  I call, write, check in for my own reward.

 In closing, I believe that a changed relationship can be just as good (if not better) than the original one.  And to answer the question pondered in paragraph three - it's all about choices and what you want for YOU!

Until next time,
#it'sanevolution

your pal,
Kari

It's never too late to do the "right" thing

Even this is my opinion!

What is "the right thing"?  Many times over the years, I have heard people say "I want to do the right thing".  But haven't we all seen cases when "the right thing" is not black and white, it could even look like varying colors of gray?  And sometimes, what is right for you will not be right for me, and maybe neither of us really understands what right could be.

I can remember more than one time in my life when I knew what I was doing, how I was living, why I decided things....was definitely....NOT RIGHT.  Yet, I wanted all those things to be right.  But eventually, I acknowledged to myself that I was not living right, so I fixed it.  I changed what I was doing.  But not until it was apparent to me.  It is never too late to do the right thing, once we recognize what it is.  But is right for me, right for you?

In this world, "right" seems to be increasingly fluid.  What used to be right many years ago, is blatantly unacceptable by today's standards.   And I promise you, if I used any type of example, I would get cheers from some and jeers from others.  Not going there.

Let's go to the dictionary for some common ground.  The definition of standard as a noun is "a level of quality or attainment".  So what if I set a goal for myself to become a quality quilter (recent new hobby...stills light years of way from achieving that status).   That does not mean this is now the same standard for everyone.  If I start judging myself ....and perhaps others...on MY standard, I have just overstepped my bounds.  Another use of the word as a noun is "an idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model in comparative evaluations".  It might be a safe thing to compare wages (there are laws and comparable data) but not attitudes, beliefs or behaviors.  DANGEROUS misstep.

Finally, standard - used as an adjective means "used or accepted as normal or average".  Before going down this road (fraught with hidden dangers), I would pose the question...normal or average as defined by who??  I think you see where I am going with this.  .

Yet there are still some things we can ALL do right.  We can choose to be non-judgmental.  We can ask questions rather than assume we know all the answers.  We can recognize that just because we "feel" something, doesn't make it true (at best, we can offer an opinion; again, which doesn't make us right or wrong....just takes us back to how we "feel").  We can comment on the positive rather than wallow in the negative. We can always error on the side of kindness versus righteousness.

Until next time, before hopping on the "soapbox of life", look for the gray.  I promise you, it is there.

Until next time,
#checkyourself

your pal,
Kari

Why it doesn't work

Or not.  Your choice!

All my life I have been told "treat others as you wish to be treated".  As a child, I was certain this was the magic formula that would transform relationships.  It seems so simple.

But it doesn't (always) work. Surely I can't be the first person to have discovered this phenomena.  And once we know this as a cold, hard fact, why do we keep trying?

I do know the answer to that.  It's because we never lose hope.  We believe that our behavior makes a difference...maybe not in how we are treated, but at a minimum, in how we view ourselves.



In my past life, I had a boss who was always very abrupt and to many, seemed either always angry or just unfriendly.  It was neither, though not everyone figured this out about her.  It became most apparent to me during a conversation where she was quite short and abrupt....so rude (at least it sounded that way to me).  I decided to respond in kind so she could hear how she sounded.  Well.  All she heard was how I sounded.   And she was not shy in commenting about it.   #clueless

But I felt very uncomfortable speaking to her in the tone and manner that I did.  Granted, it was just an experiment, but I took no pride or pleasure in behaving this way.  It was very uncomfortable for me and as it turned out, my only of success was that I knew without a doubt that the behavior I was portraying was not natural to me.

I was discussing this with my sister (Katy) recently and she said "I hate that you can't make people be thoughtful".  So true.  At times, people seem to hurt us the most when they don't even know they are hurting us at all. 

I try to be mindful of this, knowing I could be guilty of doing the same thing to others.  I continue to hold myself accountable for how I speak to others.  If I find myself rethinking a conversation and not liking how I sounded, I will follow up with an apology.  This is the only way to "make it right" (at least for me).  And I don't mean a backhanded "sorry" but a full accounting of why I am apologizing.

And Madison reminded me of something important the other day.  Instead of focusing on what people did (or didn't) do, I should focus on the ones that DID!  (or DIDN'T).  Another choice - another perspective.

If you ponder this and realize you might fall short in the "treat others" category, take heart.  You can choose to change that...and remember, how we treat others "generally" does not count.  It is very personal to each individual.

Until next time,
#workinprogress
#allthetime

your pal,
Kari

What is your end game??

Everything we do in life, we do for a reason.  Whether it is a conscious or sub-conscious thought or action, there is something we want to achieve.  Most of the time, we head in the direction we are going (both literally and figuratively) without acknowledging our end game.

During the week, every morning I get into the car and drive.  My end game is arriving at work (preferably safely and in a timely manner).  I don't give this much thought as I have been doing this for more years than I can count.

When Madison and I get out ingredients to prepare supper or bake one of our delectable treats, we don't have to say out loud what we hope to accomplish.  We already know.

So, what do we need to acknowledge, when we begin arguing with someone?  Have we been asked for an opinion?  Do we want to impact their thought process and/or behavior?  Do we just want to be right?

What is our end game?

This is when we really need to focus on the big picture.  I have an example (of course).  Last night, Mom, Madison and I were taking a walk around the neighborhood.  (think Fit bit step goals).  Our primary purpose was to get some mileage on the clock, but as we walked, we talked about different things.  At one point, Mom pointed out a house that was in disrepair.  She shared what she knew about the house and owner and I countered with what my understanding was.  We both had some common themes (who the owner was) but differed on time and approach.  At this point in the conversation, it could have gone soooo many ways.  Maybe I just wanted to be right.  Maybe she just wanted to be right.  Maybe both of us hoped to influence the other.  We opted for another solution.  We both acknowledged that neither of us had intimate knowledge of what was going on and were simply sharing information.  End of discussion.

WOW!  What a concept.  No one had to continue hammering home their point (we both heard each other the first time and neither of us are (entirely deaf) or stupid.

Then why is it that we (the royal we) fall into the trap of taking a hard stance on any given topic and lose sight of the big picture?  Of how things can escalate and impact immediate relationships and even extended family/friends?  What is our end game?

As we can all recognize, we live in a diverse world.  No one person represents all women, all men, all ethnic backgrounds, all Republicans, all Democrats, all cancer patients, all new mothers.....I could go on forever.

So why then, do we lump people into categories and present our viewpoints as all knowing?  Perhaps the only person with the right answer?  What is our end game?

I saw a response on Face book the other day that went like this...."Anaaaand here in the comments (in their natural habitat) you can see glimpses of the argumentorus attitudimus.  They are known for their instinctual displays of their ability to find any and everything to combat, and overlook everything good and fruitful".  I messaged the author (who I do not know) and told him that I thought this response could be used for just about everything posted these days.

What is my end game with this blog?  I hope that you will ponder this idea.  Recognize the potential for damage.  Decide on the worth.  Where do you fall?  What's your end game?

Until next time,
#weonlyknowwhatweknow

your pal,
Kari

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